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Author Topic: Humor/WTF  (Read 63894 times)
Body-by-Guinness
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« Reply #200 on: March 05, 2010, 10:59:44 AM »

There's A Communist Living in the White House!

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Crafty_Dog
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« Reply #201 on: March 11, 2010, 05:42:58 PM »

Puns For Educated Minds

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1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's Round Table was Sir Circumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway One hat said to the other, "You stay here, I'll go on a head."
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, "Keep off the Grass."
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21 A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
23. Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects.
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Crafty_Dog
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« Reply #202 on: March 22, 2010, 08:32:41 PM »

Do you know why gorillas have such big nostrils?

They have big fingers.
===================
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but nobody knows how they got in there in the first place
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Rarick
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« Reply #203 on: April 11, 2010, 07:39:01 AM »

On HWY K near Ogdensburg, WI:

A  deer was hit there.
The couch was dumped there previously.
Day two the deer was on the couch.
Day three the end table and lamp showed up.
Day four the TV and TV stand showed up.
  
The County Cops had to call WI DOT because of all the people stopping to take pictures.


The cardboard caption in front of the deer on the couch reads,
  
"Deer Hunters.
Obama ruined healthcare.
We can't afford to have injured hunters on our conscience,  
so I'm staying home!  

Sorry,  
  "The Deer."
 
« Last Edit: April 13, 2010, 06:10:47 AM by Rarick » Logged
Boyo
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« Reply #204 on: April 14, 2010, 06:19:02 PM »

Best Movie line ever!!!!

Boyo
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Freki
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« Reply #205 on: April 15, 2010, 09:23:14 AM »

 Sort of a lead into this PJTV vid.  Here are the Zombie controllers Boyo


I thought this PJTV Video: "We Report, You Obey: The MSM's Dirty Tea Party Fetish" was interesting and hope you do too.
 
http://www.pjtv.com/v/3293
« Last Edit: April 15, 2010, 09:27:33 AM by Freki » Logged
Boyo
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« Reply #206 on: April 18, 2010, 01:37:35 PM »

Good stuff Freki..Klavan is always a riot!!! grin

Boyo
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Body-by-Guinness
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« Reply #207 on: April 18, 2010, 06:18:44 PM »

I have flipped past this movie playing on Sundance, I'm sure.

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Freki
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« Reply #208 on: April 22, 2010, 11:15:27 AM »

Trees have something to say!


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Body-by-Guinness
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« Reply #209 on: April 27, 2010, 09:00:20 AM »

Via Hulu:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/144719/saturday-night-live-public-employee-of-the-year
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Body-by-Guinness
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« Reply #210 on: April 29, 2010, 09:57:31 PM »

Amazing panoramic view of the old Cowboy's stadium being demoed in Dallas.

http://gizmodo.com/5517106/what-its-like-to-stand-inside-an-imploding-stadium-[updated]
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DougMacG
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« Reply #211 on: April 30, 2010, 12:03:26 AM »

I saw the Taliban outsmarted by the Jewish merchant joke passed around a week or two before it was made infamous by Obama administration National Security Adviser James Jones.  I thought about posting it here and decided not to as I realized it wasn't that funny.  An armed Taliban fighter would not ask an infidel for water, he would kill and take, and that's not funny.  It didn't occur to me that it was offensive for the Jewish merchant stereotype.  I'm curious if people found it offensive?
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Freki
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« Reply #212 on: May 10, 2010, 10:08:41 AM »



Weird but funny, but weird
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ccp
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« Reply #213 on: May 10, 2010, 12:23:44 PM »

After the entire context of the joke was made more clear I didn't find it to be big deal actually.  It didn't instill a desire in me to strap a bomb on my person and walk into a Federal building and take out as many people as possible. 
 wink grin
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Body-by-Guinness
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« Reply #214 on: May 20, 2010, 11:20:27 AM »

It is May 20, after all.



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Crafty_Dog
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« Reply #215 on: May 21, 2010, 04:18:23 AM »

It took me a moment  embarassed but I finally got it  cheesy
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Body-by-Guinness
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« Reply #216 on: May 21, 2010, 11:17:07 AM »

Thank goodness! I've been waiting for one of the Islamofascist apologists to show up sniveling so I could ask why he didn't see stooge/pork/horse instead and then go on to point out that, as the interpretation is clearly occurring between his own ears, why isn't he condemning himself for having these thoughts that some, including himself, find offensive?
« Last Edit: May 21, 2010, 11:19:00 AM by Body-by-Guinness » Logged
G M
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« Reply #217 on: May 21, 2010, 11:20:34 AM »

I'm glad you were able to work ham in there.
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Body-by-Guinness
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« Reply #218 on: May 21, 2010, 11:23:16 AM »

Yeah, it was between that and someone humming, so I went with the more likely to annoy anti-freedom zealots.
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Shdwdncr
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« Reply #219 on: May 24, 2010, 09:21:39 PM »

It is May 20, after all.





That was clever and funny. LOL

S.
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Crafty_Dog
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« Reply #220 on: May 26, 2010, 10:38:40 AM »

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=cb6_1274737601
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Shdwdncr
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« Reply #221 on: May 30, 2010, 07:43:02 PM »


I actually feel bad for that poor dude. lol  grin
 
S.
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isabell
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« Reply #222 on: June 02, 2010, 02:14:07 PM »

Since bbq season is here ......
BBQ RULES
We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat

Important again:
(Cool THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
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Body-by-Guinness
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« Reply #223 on: June 09, 2010, 12:10:29 PM »


Opinion: Wacky Warning Labels Are No Joke

Bob Dorigo Jones
Special to AOL News
(June Cool -- Imagine what would happen if all the warning labels disappeared from our everyday lives. Would the world come to an end, in chaos, with a torrent of lost limbs and explosions? Or would ordinary common sense take over?

After 13 years as host of the annual Wacky Warning Labels Contest, I can testify that there are more labels than ever -- on everything you can possibly imagine, and on some things you can't.

This year's 2010 Wacky Warning Labels Contest finalists tell the tale. We'll be picking the "winners" in a nationally televised poll later this month, but the finalist list always attracts attention.
"Never operate your speakerphone while driving," warns a label on a product called "Drive 'N' Talk."
A motorized go-cart helpfully warns consumers that "this product moves when used."
A bottle of swine growth supplement called "Piglet Blast" cautions, "For animal use only."
The Bluetooth headset alerts its users that "use of a headset that covers both ears will impair your ability to hear other sounds."
And a pair of swim goggles alerts users to the risk of pulling them away from the face, lest they "spring back and cause injury."
Wacky Warning Labels

 
It's a go-kart, but the manufacturer still felt compelled to warn consumers that it "moves when used," making this one of the wackier warning labels of the year. Click through to see the four other finalists in the 2010 Wacky Warning Labels Contest."


No, we're not making these up. They are real labels on real products. (See the nearby photo gallery.) In past years, we've seen labels that warn users not to use a wart removal product if they "cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." A small LCD panel comes with a caution: "Do not eat the LCD panel." And, of course, my all-time favorite is the stroller that warns parents to "remove child before folding."

There's a flood of ridiculous warning labels and cautionary signs that attach themselves to nearly every item we buy and every service we engage. In the case of mechanical items, ladders, tools and now food, you can usually find multiple warnings.

What causes this warning label overload?

The fear of lawsuits, and the lawyers who promote them, as well as the culture that dictates that someone else is responsible for every mishap.

The fear is real, based on practical experience. We all know about the hot coffee lawsuit against McDonald's. But did you know that McDonald's was also sued over a milkshake? Several years ago, a man went through a drive-through at McDonald's and bought a milkshake and fries. He put the shake between his legs, the fries next to him and drove away. As he reached for the fries, he squeezed the drink between his legs and it spilled on him. Distracted, he rear-ended another car and caused minor damage. Incredibly, the owner of the damaged car sued McDonald's for failing to warn the customer about drinking a milkshake while driving.

This case went all the way to the New Jersey Supreme Court before finally being thrown out for good. But when the restaurant asked to be reimbursed for the thousands it spent on legal fees in this frivolous case, the judge refused. He actually said the plaintiff shouldn't be penalized for being "creative and imaginative." What?!

In another you-gotta-be-kidding-me lawsuit, a man sued a saw manufacturer after injuring himself with an ordinary table saw even though the saw was safe when used properly. He claimed it was defective because it didn't have new, state-of-the-art flesh-sensing technology found only on some of the most expensive saws. A jury actually awarded him $1.5 million.

When we stop laughing at the labels and the lawsuits, we realize this is a serious problem. The real impact of our lawsuit-happy culture can be felt in the quality of life for our families and communities.

A Little League official reported that liability insurance is the single largest expenditure for the entire baseball league. Girl Scouts have to sell tens of thousands of boxes of cookies just to cover liability insurance costs. Critical medical services, like the 20 maternity units that have closed in the Greater Philadelphia area due to medical liability costs, simply vanish from towns across America.

Many of the companies and service providers I interview as the senior fellow at the Foundation for Fair Civil Justice admit that the silly, extreme labels and warnings they attach to products and contracts may not even protect them from lawsuits. The fear of lawsuits in our lawsuit-happy culture, where someone else should pay for any harm, nevertheless fuels the effort.

As we unveil the 2010 Wacky Warning Label Contest winners later this month, our lawsuit-happy culture would benefit from one big warning label on our collective bathroom mirror: "Use common sense while awake."

Bob Dorigo Jones, author of the best-selling "Remove Child Before Folding: The 101 Stupidest, Silliest and Wackiest Warning Labels Ever," is the host of the annual Wacky Warning Labels Contest. Complete information is available at www.foundationforfairciviljustice.org/.
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Freki
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« Reply #224 on: June 25, 2010, 12:29:43 PM »

Simple but Brilliant and full of truths!   Enjoy!   
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash with his best friend, Wylie Post, was probably the greatest political sage this country ever has  known.
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3.. There are two theories to arguing with a woman . . Neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7.  The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
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Body-by-Guinness
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« Reply #225 on: July 10, 2010, 10:15:16 AM »

Artist's Rendering Of Ben Bernanke's Desktop



http://www.zerohedge.com/article/artists-rendering-ben-bernankes-desktop
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Body-by-Guinness
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« Reply #226 on: July 22, 2010, 08:28:04 PM »

This is so twisted and nonsensical that it made me cackle in utter disbelief:

Beer to be sold in dead animals



A £500 a bottle super-strong ale is to be sold inside the bodies of dead animals.
 
Published: 12:51PM BST 22 Jul 2010

A £500 a bottle super-strong ale is to be sold inside the bodies of dead animals. Photo: Universal News And Sport
The stunt has been condemned by animal rights groups as "cheap marketing tactics".
Twelve bottles of The End Of History ale have been made and placed inside seven dead stoats, four squirrels and one hare.
And at 55 per cent volume, its makers claim it is the world's strongest beer.
A taxidermist in Doncaster worked on the animals, which were not killed for bottling the new drink, with some having been killed on the roads.
Outfits featured on some of the animals include a kilt and a top hat.
BrewDog, of Fraserburgh, Aberdeenshire, created the ale, which is stronger than whisky and vodka.
The brewer recommend the beer should be served in a shot or whisky glass ''to be enjoyed like a fine whisky''.
The firm's co-founder James Watt said: ''In true BrewDog fashion, we've torn up convention, blurred distinctions and pushed brewing and beer packaging to its absolute limits.
''This is the beer to end all beers. It's an audacious blend of eccentricity, artistry and rebellion; changing the general perception of beer, one stuffed animal at a time.
''The impact of The End Of History is a perfect conceptual marriage between taxidermy, art and craft brewing. The bottles are at once beautiful and disturbing - they disrupt conventions and break taboos, just like the beer they hold within them.''
The blond Belgian ale, infused with nettles and juniper berries, was created by BrewDog's brewers by freezing the liquid to separate water from the solution.
The process was then repeated dozens of times, requiring hundreds of litres of beer to be reduced through the process to produce just enough for a 330ml bottle.
BrewDog drew criticism from industry watchdog the Portman Group last year when it unveiled a 32% beer, Tactical Nuclear Penguin.
It has also faced claims that its 18.2 per cent Tokyo beer promoted excess.
In February, the firm launched Sink The Bismarck!, a 41 per cent volume ale.
The End Of History can be bought through the BrewDog website.
But animal campaigners and others hit out at BrewDog's latest offering.
Ross Minett, campaigns director for the charity Advocates for Animals, said: "Using shock tactics to get attention is terribly out of date, especially when this involves exploiting or degrading animals.
"The modern approach is to celebrate the wonders of animals and respect them as individual sentient creatures. I'm sure this would have much greater appeal with the animal-loving public.
"We will be getting in touch with BrewDog to advise them on what people today really think about animals and how a positive caring approach and appreciating live animals is the best way forward."
Barbara O'Donnell, director of services at Alcohol Focus Scotland, said: "This is another example of this company pushing the boundaries of acceptability, all in the pursuit of cheap marketing tactics."
However, Mr Watt argued that criticism of the beer's high strength was "totally misguided".
He said: "This artisan beer should be consumed in small servings whilst exuding an endearing pseudo vigilance and reverence for Mr Stoat.
"The real catalysts for a binge-drinking culture are not well- crafted beers but the monolithic corporate machines that have cultivated a culture of quantity rather than quality amongst UK beer drinkers."
He also responded to criticisms of the packaging of the product and stated: "I can think of no grander way to celebrate these animals than for them to be cherished by the lucky owners.
"The animals used to bottle The End Of History all died of natural causes - better to be celebrated and valued than left to rot."

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7904698/Beer-to-be-sold-in-dead-animals.html
« Last Edit: July 22, 2010, 08:30:36 PM by Body-by-Guinness » Logged
Body-by-Guinness
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« Reply #227 on: August 07, 2010, 10:40:04 PM »

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Body-by-Guinness
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« Reply #228 on: August 11, 2010, 08:43:38 AM »

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ccp
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« Reply #229 on: August 12, 2010, 06:16:05 PM »

you have two bullshit artists trying to shit each other:

****Barack Obama 'may be prepared to meet Iranian president’
Barack Obama’s national security adviser, Gen James Jones, has indicated the President may be prepared to meet Mahmoud Ahmadinejad if the regime resumed negotiations over its nuclear programme.
 
By Robert Winnett in Washington
Published: 10:57PM BST 11 Aug 2010

 Gen James Jones, the US National Security Adviser Photo: AP
The retired general also indicated that the return of three American hikers held in Iran for the past year would be an “important gesture”.

Earlier this month, Mr Ahmadinejad requested face-to-face talks with Mr Obama during the UN General Assembly meeting in New York. The White House had appeared to rule out any meeting.

 
Related Articles
Iran government 'being strengthened by sanctions’
Obama aide 'sorry' for Jewish joke
EU hits Iran with tough sanctions
UN hits Iran with sanctions over nuclear programme
Barack Obama needs to be forceful in using 'soft power' against Iran
Iran election: Barack Obama refuses to 'meddle' over protestsHowever, in an interview with CNN, Gen Jones said “the door’s open” if the Iranians agree to resume talks with the International Atomic Energy Agency.

When asked whether Mr Obama may meet the Iranian leader, Gen Jones said: “Ultimately if we find a convergence of paths all things are possible.

“One thing they might do is return our three hikers. That would be an important gesture. It could lead to better relations.” However, the President’s national security adviser said there would be “no point in a theatrical meeting.” It is unlikely that the Iranians will agree to the American’s demands as the regime has repeatedly circumvented previous attempts to rein in its nuclear programme.

Earlier this month, Mr Ahmadinejad said he was ready for face-to-face talks.

“We are hopefully coming for the UN assembly,” Mr Ahmadinejad said in an address to expatriate Iranians which was broadcast live on state television.

“We are ready to sit down with Mr Obama face-to-face and put the global issues on the table, man-to-man, freely, and in front of the media and see whose solutions are better. We think this is a better approach.”

In the interview, Gen Jones refused to be drawn on whether military action might be considered against Iran if it fails to comply with international demands.

“I’m not going to speculate on that,” he said.

There are currently extensive UN sanctions against the country.****

answer next post

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ccp
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« Reply #230 on: August 12, 2010, 06:16:45 PM »

with more on the way.

eom
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Crafty_Dog
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« Reply #231 on: August 23, 2010, 05:19:32 PM »

 Why Sharks Circle You before Attacking

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.

"Now we eat everybody."
And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, “Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"

Now you know the rest of the story.

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Rarick
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« Reply #232 on: August 24, 2010, 04:44:46 AM »

TAX REFUNDS

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?

 A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

Ø     If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.

Ø     If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

Ø     If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan, or China.

Ø     If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.

Ø     If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.

Ø     If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

Ø     If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1)   Spending it at yard sales, or

2)   Going to ball games, or

3)   Spending it on prostitutes, or

4)   Beer, or

5)   Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

 No need to thank me.  I’m just glad I could be of help.




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DougMacG
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« Reply #233 on: August 25, 2010, 10:43:20 PM »

Stick handling, accuracy, balance, concentration, and consistency, this should be in martial arts but I offer it as... WTF?

http://straightsets.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/08/19/federer-coy-on-trick-shot-video/

"Don’t try this at home."

“I don’t do it that much, but, yeah, it was shot in one piece... the guy took a chance,”  “It worked out. I’m happy.”

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Rarick
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« Reply #234 on: August 26, 2010, 04:51:12 AM »

Reminds me of those NFL fantasty league clips on you tube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ymkoh-vKzM
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Body-by-Guinness
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« Reply #235 on: October 13, 2010, 08:42:31 PM »

Krugman's Excellent Mine Rescue

While I am doing my day job work, I have decided to post a report from Mike Davis, who is Johnny-on-the-Spot with the latest stimulus idea from Paul Krugman. Take it away, Mike!!

On August 7th, 33 Chilean miners were trapped 2300 feet underground. They were located 17 days later. The problem was – how to get them out? The Chilean Government contacted the Nobel Prize-winning economist Paul Krugman for advice.

“Keynesian theory dictates that you dig a hole in the ground – a big hole - and that you keep on digging.” The Chilean Government took his advice. Finally, on the 12th of October, the trapped workers were reached and the rescue started. On learning the good news, Paul Krugman was ecstatic. “We have been waiting 75 years. Now, finally, we have an unequivocal vindication of Keynesian economic theory.” He added –“as a further bonus, Keynesian Economic Theory predicts a massive stimulus to the economy when the hole is filled in.”

Flushed with the success of this venture, Paul Krugman was asked whether he saw any domestic application. “Actually, I have already been on the phone to the governors of Kentucky and West Virginia to see if we could dig a hole and rescue workers trapped down a coal mine. Obviously, we cannot deliberately trap workers down a coal mine – we would need volunteers. So far The United Mine Workers of America will endorse the idea provided that the workers are paid extra for overtime, night shifts, and weekend in accordance with the Union Contract. They would also require paid time off for all accumulated breaks while the workers were trapped underground.

In West Virginia the governor suggested that the unemployed could volunteer to be trapped underground. “We have a growing problem with unemployment in the state. This would reduce our unemployment numbers – it is hard to claim that you are “actively looking for work” when you are trapped 2000 feet underground.”

However, this plan has run into stiff resistance from the UMWA and Democrat politicians running for re –election. A Union spokesperson said – “this is union work – all the unemployed would need to join the union.” An anonymous Democrat Congressman was quoted as saying – “kick-backs from union dues are a major source of political contributions to democrats – we are desperate – we need this money now – we don’t have much time left – we are behind in the polls – the election is only weeks away.”

Meanwhile, OSHA has been getting involved – they claim that they will need a plan and will need to review and study the plan before they can give their approval, and this will take time.

The Governor of West Virginia is furious – “our State economy is in the tank and we need this stimulus now, not later. I am going to ask President Obama to sign an Executive order to fast-track this project”.

http://krugman-in-wonderland.blogspot.com/2010/10/krugmans-excellent-mine-rescue.html
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Crafty_Dog
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« Reply #236 on: October 13, 2010, 09:08:01 PM »

That is wickedly funny.
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Body-by-Guinness
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« Reply #237 on: October 13, 2010, 09:59:21 PM »

Second only to Monty Python was the National Lampoon during my formative youth. Gonna have to snag a copy. . . .

Read This Review or . . .
By ANDREW FERGUSON

Drunk Stoned Brilliant Dead: The Writers and Artists Who Made the National Lampoon Insanely Great


By Rick Meyerowitz
Abrams, 320 pages, $40

Forgive me if I open on a personal note: The other night I started laughing so hard I had to leave the room. My daughter was trying to study, and I could see she was getting alarmed. It was kind of scary to me, too, if you want to know the truth. For a moment there, as I made it into the bathroom and shut the door, I thought my body was approaching organ failure, not that I know what organ failure feels like, thank God. You hear people say things like "I laughed so hard I cried" and "I nearly fell out of my chair," but I had gone well beyond the crying stage by the time my metabolism began to return to equilibrium. And then I realized that I hadn't laughed so hard in 35 years, since I was a teenager, reading National Lampoon.

American men of a certain age will recall the feeling. What I'd been reading the other night was, no coincidence, National Lampoon—specifically the monologue of a fictional New York cabbie named Bernie X. He was the creation of Gerald Sussman, a writer and editor for the Lampoon from its early days in the 1970s to its sputtering death in 1998. Sussman, it is said, wrote more words for the magazine than any other contributor. I'm sorry I can't quote any of his pieces here. They're filthy.

View Full Image

Courtesy National Lampoon Inc.
If I'd gone ahead and died the other night, my wife would have known whom to sue. "Drunk Stoned Brilliant Dead," in which Bernie X appears, is the work of Rick Meyerowitz, himself a valued contributor to the Lampoon who had the bright idea to gather his favorite pieces from the magazine into a handsomely produced coffee-table book. Mr. Meyerowitz is best known as the man who painted Mona Gorilla, a shapely, primly dressed primate with come-hither eyes and a smile far more unsettling than Leonardo's original. That ape may be the most celebrated magazine illustration of the 1970s, its only competition being the Lampoon cover from January 1973. The photograph showed a cowering pup with a revolver to its head next to the timeless tagline: "If You Don't Buy This Magazine, We'll Kill This Dog."

As an illustrator, Mr. Meyerowitz has a bias toward pieces with a strong graphic element. This is altogether fitting. The production values of the earliest issues of National Lampoon were rag-tag, but with the hiring of the art director Michael Gross and gifted painters and designers like Mr. Meyerowitz and Bruce McCall, the presentation of a piece of writing on the page became as essential to the joke as the writing itself.

In parodies of everything from comic books to Babylonian hieroglyphs, the Lampoon technique was a dead-on verisimilitude, exquisitely detailed. No matter how absurd the jokes were, how incongruous, abstract, whimsical or—I repeat myself—filthy, they were delivered with the straightest possible face. Great performers, old showfolk say, never let you see them sweat. National Lampoon writers never let you hear them chuckle.

The classic marriage of word and picture, which Mr. Meyerowitz reprints in full, was a 10-page spoof of travel magazines titled "Stranger in Paradise." The soft-focus prose of the travel writer ("Wild fruits hang from the branches, waiting to be plucked") transports us to a lush South Sea island where a "modern day Robinson Crusoe" lives in idyllic retirement. Sumptuous, full-color photographs show him dodging the surf, frolicking with the natives, sunbathing nude on the beach. Our Crusoe is Adolf Hitler, complete with the toothbrush mustache, the penetrating stare and a bottom as pale as a baby's. No one who has seen the sunbathing photograph has ever been able to forget it. I've tried.

Amid the belly laughs was an irony so cool that it could sink to absolute zero. "Making people laugh is the lowest form of humor," said Michael O'Donoghue, who founded the magazine with some Harvard pals in 1969 and later gained TV fame with "Saturday Night Live." And it's true that you—meaning me and my friends —sometimes had trouble finding the joke. Mr. Meyerowitz includes all 12,000 words of a parody by Henry Beard, another founding editor, of a typically grim law-review article. It's called "Law of the Jungle," by which he means the real law of the jungle, covering torts, trusts and property rights as understood by hippos and boa constrictors. With its high rhetoric, labyrinthine arguments and endless footnotes, it is as flawlessly rendered as any parody ever written—so precise that it becomes as tedious as the articles it was meant to send up.

You have to be very good to fail in this way, and nobody could have doubted the vast talent assembled behind that grinning gorilla. In the 1970s, however, old-fashioned moralists (soon to be extinct) complained about a deep vein of nihilism running through the magazine. Out in the suburbs we irony-soaked, pseudo-sophisticated teenage boys could only roll our eyes at the tut-tutting. We knew, or thought we did, that every sex joke in Bernie X's monologues was redeemed by the tonally perfect rendering of the cabbie's patois (I don't think we used the word patois).

But from this distance the justice of the moralists' charge looks glaringly obvious. In their more pompous moments, the Lampoon editors could have defended an appallingly tasteless joke about, say, the My Lai massacre or the Kennedy assassination as an effort to shake the bourgeois out of their complacency. Now it just looks tasteless or worse: an assault on the very notion of tastelessness, on our innate belief that sometimes some subjects should be off-limits.

Tony Hendra, one of the most pretentious of the original editors—quite a distinction in an office full of Harvard boys—writes here of the magazine's "unique high-low style of comedy, incredible disgustingness paired with intellectual and linguistic fireworks." The juxtaposition, as they proved every month and as Mr. Meyerowitz's collection reconfirms, can be side-splitting. The mix is hard to sustain, though, and it makes for a terrible legacy. The high, being so hard to pull off, inevitably fades away, leaving only the low. Gresham's Law—the bad driving out the good—holds true for comedy too.

With a few exceptions—the Onion, a sitcom or two—this seems to be where American humor finds itself now. You have only to wade into the opening minutes of any Will Ferrell movie to be rendered numb by the body-part jokes, unredeemed by the Lampoon's intellectual or linguistic fireworks. The unhappy state of humor today gives this dazzling book the feel of a nostalgic excursion—back to a purer era, when all you had to do to make someone laugh was threaten to shoot a dog.

—Mr. Ferguson is a senior editor at the Weekly Standard.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703726404575533222833017934.html
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Body-by-Guinness
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« Reply #238 on: October 20, 2010, 06:47:46 PM »

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« Reply #239 on: October 30, 2010, 08:59:18 AM »

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« Reply #240 on: November 02, 2010, 09:03:40 PM »

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« Reply #241 on: November 05, 2010, 09:08:30 PM »

I would buy a ton of these just to inflate and leave on the front lawn of Obama supporters. Or fill them with helium and let them just float around. . . .

Barack Obama sex doll for sale in China



Americans may have fallen out of love with Barack Obama, but the president of the United States is still an object of affection for the Chinese, who have remodelled him as a blow-up sex doll.
 
By Our Foreign Staff
Published: 11:28AM GMT 03 Nov 2010

The Barack Obama sex doll was exhibited at the recent 8th Sex Culture Festival in the southern city of Guangzhou

A doll wearing a dark blue suit and red tie, and with Mr Obama's face carefully screen-printed onto its head, was exhibited at the recent 8th Sex Culture Festival in the southern city of Guangzhou.

The doll was photographed by Chinese state media nestling behind several other standard plastic female toys.
 
Mr Obama is widely popular in China, and a "Maobama" t-shirt, bearing an image of his face crossed with a portrait of Chairman Mao, has become a best-seller.

The Guangzhou show, which was only open to adults, cost 30 yuan (£3) to enter and was visited by "tens of thousands" of people, according to a spokesman for the Guangdong Gongchuang Economic Development company, the organisers. One star attraction was a female doll costing 98,000 yuan.

"We do not know which manufacturer produced this doll," the spokesman added.

However, the picture of the Obama doll, which circulated on the Chinese internet, drew an wide array of responses. "How could they place the US president behind those other poorly-made models. He is the head of a big country, after all," wrote one anonymous commentator on the Netease internet forum.

"Why can't we have a Mao Tse-tung toy?" asked anothe
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Crafty_Dog
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« Reply #242 on: November 06, 2010, 12:11:46 AM »

WARNING:  OFF COLOR COMMENT FOLLOWS!!!





If it is anatomically correct, one suspects that for ordinarily endowed men the anus may be a bit large for sufficient friction.
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Crafty_Dog
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« Reply #243 on: November 07, 2010, 04:20:25 PM »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhTZ_tgMUdo
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The Tao
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« Reply #244 on: November 07, 2010, 11:13:29 PM »

@ Guro Crafty...... hahahahahaha! afro
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« Reply #245 on: November 11, 2010, 03:18:41 PM »

http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_147_if-other-industries-were-as-evil-as-riaa/
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Crafty_Dog
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« Reply #246 on: November 19, 2010, 08:39:58 AM »



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvLOncMKDYc&feature=player_embedded
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Body-by-Guinness
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« Reply #247 on: December 01, 2010, 10:58:38 AM »

Get 'em here:

http://cargocollective.com/4thamendmentdment


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bigdog
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« Reply #248 on: December 02, 2010, 09:34:34 PM »

This is the "appropriate" thread for this.  I am 99.99% sure this is fake.

http://www.deadseriousnews.com/?p=573

A 47 year old gay man was arrested at San Francisco International Airport after ejaculating while being patted down by a male TSA agent.  Percy Cummings, an interior designer from San Francisco, is being held without bail after the alleged incident, charged with sexually assaulting a Federal agent.
According to Cummings’ partner, Sergio Armani, Cummings has “multiple piercings on his manhood” which were detected during a full body scan.  As a result, Cummings was pulled aside for a pat-down.  Armani stated that the unidentified TSA agent spent “an inordinate amount of time groping” Cummings, who had apparently become sexually aroused.  Cummings, who has a history of sexual dysfunction, ejaculated while the TSA agent’s hand was feeling the piercings.  The TSA agent, according to several witnesses, promptly called for back up.  Cummings was thrown to the ground and handcuffed.

A TSA spokesperson declined to comment on this specific case, but said that anyone ejaculating during a pat-down would be subject to arrest.

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DougMacG
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« Reply #249 on: December 21, 2010, 10:30:33 AM »

Both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address will occur
on the same day. As Air America Radio has pointed out, It is an ironic
juxtaposition of events; one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look
to a creature of limited intelligence for prognostication while the other
involves a groundhog.
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