Humor/WTF

[Crafty_Dog]

If you give the command "SECURE THE BUILDING", here is what the different services would do:

The NAVY would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The ARMY would surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire.

The MARINE CORPS would assault the building, using overlapping fields of fire from all appropriate points on the perimeter.
The AIR FORCE would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy the building.

[Crafty_Dog]

Tim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some shotgun loads for an upcoming hunt.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks ...

"Honey, I've been thinking ... now that we are married, I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns, boat, and airplane.

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"There, for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

"I wasn't."

[Stickgrappler]

[Crafty_Dog]

A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through
the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a
very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display
rack - selling ties.

The Taliban terrorist asked, "Do you have water?"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a
tie? They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted hysterically, "Idiot Infidel! I do not need such
an over-priced western adornment - I spit on your ties. I need water!”

"Sorry, I have none - just ties - pure silk - and only $5."

"Pahh! A curse on your ties, I should wrap one around your scrawny
little neck and choke the life out of you but... I must conserve my
energy and find water!"

"Okay," said the little old Jewish man, “It does not matter that you
do not want to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life
and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of
that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles,
you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the
ice-cold water you need... Go In Peace."

Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he crawled back, almost dead and gasped...

"They won't let me in without a tie!”