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« on: December 21, 2004, 02:59:38 PM »
Woof All,
Came across these while traveling to Moscow.
LITTLE KNOWN CHRISTMAS FACT
Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip....but there were problems everywhere.
Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behing schedule.
Then Mr.s Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. MORE STRESS. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffe and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped the coffe pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree Santa?"
And that my friends, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.
OSAMA IS BAD
Smart little girl-a valentine for Osama Bin Laden
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks," will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No,I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock.
"Well," she says, I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we'er not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone alot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and ge looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "Melissa, that's the most wounderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Melissa says, " and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the @#*@ out of him."